“Morality is upholding the truth no matter what is said about you. Doing what is required of you, regardless of what is proper, is obedience.” Henri L. Mencken

When their child disobeys them, most parents feel ashamed. They should jump when we tell them to, right? If they don’t, does that not prove we’re bad parents?

No, actually. Our kids jumping to it in response to our raised eyebrows would be much more practical. However, it might even be risky to nurture a youngster who instinctively obeys, gives up his protests, and follows instructions without hesitation. This is why.

Obeyable kids become dutiful adults. They are more vulnerable to being taken advantage of and less willing to defend themselves. They are also capable of blindly obeying directions and abdicating accountability for their deeds.

Unquestioning obedience is unhealthy, even for kids. Here are several examples:

  • An older child sexually assaulted a 3-year-old.
  • An older youngster sexually assaulted a 5-year-old.
  • A coach shouted at a 6-year-old directly and loudly.
  • The cruel females enlisted an 11-year-old to join in on their antics.
  • A 12-year-old received a drug offer.
  • At a party, a boy committed date rape of a 14-year-old.

Are these youngsters to blame for what transpired? Both their parents and, of course, neither are. Whatever the case,

And would these events have played out the same way if they had been able to yell “No!” louder?

Maybe. possibly not Unknowable to us. However, we are aware that bullies and child molesters pick victims they believe won’t defend themselves. We are aware that experts recommend teaching kids how to fend off kidnappers. According to research, kids who are accustomed to voicing their thoughts in front of their parents are less susceptible to peer pressure.

The truth is that no parent can predict the challenges their child will experience, therefore we can only help them develop all of their inner resources. One resource is the capacity to assert oneself, speak up, and refuse to cooperate with the person trying to take advantage of her.

You still set boundaries, though. Children do occasionally have to follow adult instructions. Children must also learn that it’s okay to say no occasionally. How did they discover that? Experience.

  • You always listen to your child when he comes to you when he is distressed and takes his worries seriously.
  • Even when you must set boundaries out of compassion, you always respect her point of view.
  • if you try to find a win-win solution as opposed to imposing your will.
  • Every time, remind yourself that nobody is within your power but you.
  • Every time you need a reminder that your infant, toddler, or preschooler is a person with rights to his or her own opinions.
  • “You’re in control of that decision” or “What do you think about that?” are always used.
  • whenever you are able to gather your thoughts to say “I understand you feel I’m being unjust… I truly want to hear your opinions, so let’s try it again in a courteous tone so I can comprehend them.”
  • Every time you force something, pushback will result.
  • You consider your child’s objections seriously each time she raises one.

So, if you’ve always believed that kids should be submissive, I urge you to think again. cooperative and respectful? Absolutely, yes! Kids develop this way when we respect them, listen to what they have to say, and work together to find solutions in order to encourage cooperation.


Article by

Rose .A. Milani,

Parent Coach and Registered Mental Health Counsellor

Based in Melbourne, Australia





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